Today's post is coming a bit later in the day but it is for a good reason.
The original post that you will find below was written on November 15th while Eva was still inside of my womb. In fact, while I was writing it I was feeling her constant kicking, trying to get more space between my ribs. Now she is finally here, lying next to me, and I get to not only feel her but also see her every day.
Eva was born on the morning of November 18th and I couldn't be more proud of the three of us. But that's a story I will leave for another day.
For now, I leave you with all my thoughts about being pregnant, while actually being pregnant, as well as this sweet photo of our best creation so far. Seriously, I had never created such a beautiful thing in my entire life.
Hope you enjoy today's post.
Today I felt like sharing a bit about my personal experience on being pregnant. It's funny if you'd ask me a while ago if one day I would be doing this I would just laugh at your face and say "No way". But I thought it might be interesting for some of you, not only to the mothers and fathers out there or to the soon-to-be, but also for you to know a bit more about myself and this crazy/beautiful experience.
I remember being what... probably twenty-one or twenty-two and really think about what it would be to have a child. At the time the idea sounded great for some reason, even though I didn't really have stability in my life and this thought was for later on in the future. With this being said, it is funny to think that at my twenty-five/twenty-six this idea would just scare the shit out of me. Not specifically the idea of being pregnant but the concept of bringing a child into this world and raising him/her to be a good addition here on earth.
It was nothing planned and took a lot of thinking to make a decision.
You always think "maybe one day when I'm more stable in life, but not for now" and when you realize it a couple of years past by and you still don't feel ready for it. Spoiler alert: You'll never feel truly prepared for having a child. That's at least until you have him/her in your arms for the very first time.
I felt that way too, and I realized that I wasn't even setting a goal to then really start thinking about having kids. When would you feel that your life is stable? When you have the perfect job, a nice house of your own or the perfect partner? Life isn't perfect and that is what makes us grow stronger. Also if you think about it the chances are that if you wait to have everything you've been dreaming of in your life you will end up having a child when you're old or not having it at all.
I've realized now that, even though when I discovered that I was pregnant I thought it wasn't the best time at all, I am actually in the best stage of my life at the moment. If you'd ask me a couple of years ago where would I be by now, I can guarantee you that in my mind it had nothing to do with my current situation. Let's face it, my job that was supposed to be temporary it is my current job for over four years. It is not the perfect job but I get to leave the office and not think about it anymore, plus it gives me income and I get to meet lots of great people from all over the world with different cultures that have enriched mine. I am living in a different country, that I never thought I would live, and don't speak the language fluently or at all. I don't know where I'll be within a couple of years and that thought still scares me no matter how much of an adult I am now. On the other hand, I am lucky to have the best person in my life going through all this with me, supporting me every single day and that I can only thank for still standing by my side after all these years. I am sure that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have the life I have now and that I am so grateful for.
I think that if she chooses to make us this surprise, as all the good things in my life, it is because it's the right timing. We recently bought and moved to a new house and still have a load of things to do and to improve in it, but life is an ongoing process and you just have to live day by day and enjoy the little things. Go with the flow and grab on to everything you love. Even though we are living in this house for less than a year it already has such strong history and memories glued to the walls. And I couldn't love it more!
Apart from this and getting back on the subject, being pregnant isn't really as hard as I always thought it would be. Actually, the hardest part is to deal with people, and I'm guessing that in what comes to education it will be the same. Of course, there are days when I just want to feel myself again, either because I'm tired of being seen as a giant balancing penguin instead of a person or because I don't see myself as I used to see in the mirror anymore. But overall being pregnant is not bad at all.
The first weeks were tough indeed. Not only the puking all the time, the over smelling everything (even myself), but the overthinking about everything and realizing your life will never be the same no matter how much you try to delude yourself. The overwhelm of all the responsibilities it will bring along.
Having to bear with all other people's opinions and stories like being pregnant is the same for everyone. Getting a bunch of random people going straight to your belly and rubbing it as soon as they see you like you're a magic lantern and a genius will pop out of you, and at the same time having people squishing you to get inside the public transports without caring at all about your condition. Waking up every once in a while, taking ages to move out of bed, to go visit the toilet again and again. Not feeling attractive at all and thinking about sex in the way it used to be as just a remote possibility. Eating all sort of crap uncontrollably, even things you didn't like before. Having to listen to amazing comments like "Are you sure it is only one in there?", "Wow you sure look so much pregnant", "You're about to pop out no?", "Oh my god you look so huge", "You look like a mommy now"... And so on so on.
All this is fine when I realize that I am passing through one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It is because of me, and the father, of course, that a new person is in the making. But it is me who is generating all the energy source for this new life to happen. It is me who constantly feel her moving inside. I can say that it changed me a lot. It made me a much calmer person, in a way I didn't though it would even be possible. The boring waiting times in my daily routine were never the same, my head is always full of thoughts and inside I can feel something no one else can in the same way.
We are now on our way to forty-one weeks and even though I try to stay calm, the possibility of having to induce labor is getting closer, which gets a bit on my nerves. I don't mind having her inside me for a little longer as long as she is doing alright in there, that's the most important thing. Soon, very soon, we will meet a new person that will change our lives forever. A mix between me and my favorite person in the world. So no matter what, I couldn't feel happier.
To my little Eva and her father, I give all the love I can bear.
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