I've been meaning to blog about this for quite a while now. I guess it takes some courage, but I finally gathered my thoughts and so here they are.
Body image. The definition says: "a subjective picture of one's own physical appearance established both by self-observation and by noting the reactions of others".
With that being said, it becomes clearer the difference between what your body really looks like and the idea you have of your own body. By saying body I mean from head to toes, so anything in between. As well as the influence that other people's behavior and comments affects you.
I never really cared that much about the way I looked. I mean in terms of hair style, make up and that kind of stuff. But body wise, oh that's a complete different story.
There is this misconception that only women struggle with body image, but guess what, that is completely wrong. Boys and men really struggle with it too, if not more sometimes, but they usually keep quiet in order to avoid passing the image of being less manly. Oh how I love our society.
I guess we are never happy with what we have. And I'm no different from anyone else.
When I was a child I was skinny and anyone could pick me up just by grabbing one of my fingers. By that time, body image wasn't even a thing for me. Now, entering teenager years, probably from all the hormone changes, I began feeling the differences in my body shape. I was the first girl in my class to develop breasts, which was very weird and uncomfortable at the time. I still remember my teachers commenting about how fast I had grown compared to the other girls. From then on I became very self-conscious about my image. So, thank you for that! You see, that's how much of an impact a simple comment can have on you, specially at the most unbalanced stage of your life.
I, like most of the people, spent my life hearing people commenting on how fat I was, how skinny I was, how my hair looked, how my legs were and so on so on.
It was not until I reached my twenty something that I was more satisfied with my body and kind of disregarded any comments from other people. And I say kind of in a hypocritical way because in the end it always affects me somehow, even if only for that frame of a second when I put my thoughts in doubt.
Anyway. It wasn't until quite recently that I started feeling very self-aware and really started disliking my body. I have gained weight during pregnancy and, specially after having Eva, I see all the flaws and scars that my body has. I stopped feeling like myself, at least the way I used to be, closest to the end of my pregnancy and, unfortunately, I still haven't found myself back.
Fun thing is, that only now looking back at my photos I can truly see the way my body was at the time. Nevertheless, by then I would look myself in the mirror and find a bunch of stuff I wouldn't like in my body.
I won't lie. Some days are a struggle. Not fitting in my jeans, my bras, my dresses from before being pregnant it is quite tough. Having people passing by me staring at my belly, and judging my appearance can also be tough at times. Trying to eat well but enough so that I can keep up with nursing, plus exercising every time I can and feeling like there is no change can also be hard.
I hear people saying "Oh don't worry, your body took nine months to get that way, it will take a few months to go back to normal, maybe even a year" or "Yeah indeed you gained a bit of weight" or even "Actually now you look healthy and at your best" made me understand that I will never be what everyone want me to be and even what I want to be, because it is not only in our nature not to be satisfied but also, in some people's nature to comment on everything.
I won't call it a sacrifice for my baby's well being or blame her at all for the way I look at myself now. Instead, I am proud of what the human (mine) body is capable of. All my insides moved away so that I could accommodate another human life and that's the most insane thing ever. It may take me a while to feel completely comfortable again in my own body, but I will never forget this amazing experience and what I've learned from it.
I learned to look myself in the mirror, see the real me, and accept the way I am. Because guess what? There is no one like me in the entire universe. And that's awesome! No one will ever be me, or I will ever become someone else. I, like all of us, am unique, and that's great!
So I guess I just wanted to say, learn to love yourself the way you are and disregard any comments if you just feel comfortable the way you are. Because it is you the most important. Also, try to make a change and compliment more. That can make someone else's day.
Society tells us to be skinny, when in fact that doesn't necessarily mean healthy. Be conscious about the way you eat, the way you look and specially the way you feel about yourself. If you feel comfortable that's all there is needed.
Everyone is beautiful in their own different ways. Otherwise the world would be so much boring.
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